A Designer's Life |
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3 Easy Recession Tricks for Style, Fun and Design |
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On My Mind |
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The Dark Side of People Pleasing |
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3 Easy Recession Tricks for style, fun and design.
Everyone wants something a little new to shake it up. Here are some tricks I use when the budget is tight. Make a Book Statement. This is an end table in our family room from the store Tent. I walked in and thought blah….nice table pretty lamp….now what?
I found some of my favorite large coffee table books and stacked them under the lamp. It gives the end table some height and makes a bigger statement.
Then I added some items from my shelves. These are some candle holders and a stone buddha. The “extra stuff” added textures, tone on tone color and varying height. I love the change and it was all without spending a dime.
Nail Art
My daughters and I wanted to love the new indigo trend but to take three of us out for a mani/pedi can get pricey. I found this blue at CVS in the dollar bin and did a home salon, my toes (featured) and my daughters’. Good mommy time with my girls and it only cost $1.
Photo Art
Take your own photos and make them into art. This is me behind the lens.
This is a tree in my front yard
This is my lawn
I developed them in 12 x 12, some black and some white, and pinned them to the dinning room wall. All in under $100 (depending where you develop).
I think a little bit can sometimes can go a long way if we think about it. All three projects were fun and are still standing in our house.
-hb
I just finished The Rembrandt Affair, the dashing character Gabriel Allon, “master art restorer and assassin, returns in a spellbinding new novel”.
What do you call a book that you read visually in your mind? Book + Imagination = Bomagination? Here is mine.
Gabriel Allon escapes to Cornwall with his stunning Venetian wife Chiara leaving behind a life as a secret spy for the Isreali army.
Gabriel
Chiara
Coast of Cornwall
In the ancient English city of Glastonbury, an art restorer is brutally murdered.
Brutal murder
A lost portrait by Rembrandt worth millions and millions and holding the names of war Nazi criminals is stolen from the studio of the murdered art restorer. Like this Rembrandt “Girl in the Window”.
Allon is dragged into solving the crime and travels to the glamour of London and the backstabbing art world.
To the home of a young woman whose family had been brutally killed by the Nazi’s most infamous officer and thief.
To the lair of a dashing Swiss billionaire who has seduced the world with his plans.
“Of those writing spy novels today, Daniel Silva is quite simply the best.” -The Kansas City Star
“The perfect book for fans of well-crafted thrillers … the kind of page- turner that captures the reader from the opening chapter and doesn’t let go.” -The Associated Press
I love the book. Good mind candy.
“I think women say nothing and everything with their hair.” - hb
I am obsessed with the “updo”. I’m a failure at doing it to myself and now would rather have a good updo than a blow dry.
Glee’s Hairography episode solidified this for me. Watch the episode – it is pretty funny but the basic idea was the dancers were swinging their long beautiful locks around in an effort to distract (Smoke and Mirrors) from their lack of real talent.
Pretty
Sweet and simple
Coco’s best
Drew looked pretty showing her face
Girl Crush
Stunning
She defines glam
Fresh and pretty
The end or the Bun
Try this look. I think you will turn heads.
People pleasers are not a group we tend to shake a finger at. They are not bad people. Instead, they often “kill us with kindness”. By trying to make everyone happy (and not themselves) they often explode or reject someone harshly because they have an impossible time with boundaries and being clear. They are so uncomfortable negotiating all of life’s grey areas.
My friend Yehuhda Berg sent out this thought last week:
“Like a light bulb that shines only when a filament acts as a conduit between positive and negative poles, restriction (i.e., looking within instead of blaming others) is a process for creating a circuit of energy allowing spiritual Light to shine in your life”
No, (don’t roll your eyes) this is not about self blame. This is a hard concept but it is very applicable to a group of people I am in the midst of doing some coaching work with, people pleasers.
I share this people pleasing quality. It can end up disappointing people we work with, play with and love because we actually do not tell them a real “no”, we hedge and wander around the issue and it is misleading. In our efforts to make everyone happy we often end up making no one happy and creating our own havoc.
PP’s (people pleasers) want to believe their limitations are obvious to the outside world. They expect people to read our minds. “I am not answering the phone because I actually do not want to tell you I am not interested, I just want you to get it”.
PP’s believe that other people are wired the same way. They break up with you and still have you over for dinner and then are upset when you keep asking them to get back together. Their kindness is a horrid, mixed message!
Why can’t you stop asking me to be involved in an affair. I am saying no but it’s a fuzzy “no” because rejecting you makes me feel bad. I may sacrifice myself a bit because hurting you, hurts me. In not wanting to lose you I am kissing your tush a bit, afraid the boundary will make you reject me.
A people pleaser delays the emotional hit hoping things will change. PP stands at their door saying “yes, yes, of course move in with me” yet deep down inside hoping the person will leave. They want to be the good guy but end up having someone screaming a year later as they are packing….”You Wasted a year of my life!!!”
A PP meets a new friend and after a dinner where the verbal intimacy is high they kiss them
good night. BUT they were not turned on by them at all!
Try to see that sometimes avoiding an imperfect immediate truth can be harder on everyone. With love and kindness you should be able to share any truth. It’s better than unintentionally misleading someone. You will save yourself and those near you a lot of pain and misunderstanding. I truly believe it all comes around, that the light we bring into our own lives and others will ultimately help the world be a kinder place.
Be Nice to yourself first and foremost – hb
We just sent out our first email blast to announce the launch of the Heather Belle Co. handbag line and I am thrilled that the Mae West “Viretta” tote is on there. I love Mae West. Who doesn’t? She was funny, smart and such a brilliant woman. And that’s why she’s one of the five people I dedicated the Viretta tote to. Each bag has a message behind it. You slip it over your shoulder and immediately you feel strong and empowered. I know I do. Not to mention it’s got such a classy look and feel to it. I gifted one of the bags to an employee of mine, and she carries it daily. She says it makes her feel so much more “uptown” and “chic” and is the perfect bag to bring to meetings since she has to put her laptop and notebook somewhere. Plus it’s a great conversation piece and has gained a ton of interest from people.
The best part about these Viretta totes is their durability and the fact that they get softer and better with each use. Check out the rest of the Viretta collection (which includes Benjamin Franklin, Mark Twain, Harriet Tubman and George Washington) at the Heather Belle Co. website.
FIRST LA SPEED SHRINKING
The East coast finally beat out the West coast in trend setting. A new phenomenon, Speed Shrinking (otherwise known as speed dating with shrinks) made its debut last Thursday in West LA.
Mel who works with me and who I adore was so happy for me thinking “Yeah! Heather will finally get out and meet someone or something!” But NO, it was not an event where you speed date shrinks! It’s presenting a problem and getting help while perhaps looking for a therapist to work with. I was asked to be on the expert panel, not asked to speed date at this LA Speed Shrink event. Check out the event here.
Susan Shipiro invited me to be one of the shrinks. She is funny and lively and did a great job pulling the event together. View her site here.
I am proud of my writing partner on Everything you wanted to know about Ex and her beauty and poise in her Fox 11 Interview. See her and then see me. I am there in the background doing the hard work (just teasing love) :0
My love of reading is as much about the story and the words as visually images that play in my mind.
Abraham Verghese, a writer and Professor for the Theory and Practice of Medicine at Stanford University wrote an amazing novel Cutting For Stone.
I read a lot of historical fiction, books filled with facts and fantasy. I enjoy stories, the minds of characters and learning about new places, cultures and the human experience through the eyes of a writer. Cutting for Stone is an amazing story set in Addis Ababa, which means “the flower” and is the capital of the Ethiopia.
The colors of Ethiopian flag
The story is of two brothers, Shiva and Marion born to Sister Mary Praise Joseph, in the outskirts of Addis Ababa. The shock of a pregnant nun at “Missing” (the Mission hospital) is only overshadowed by her tragic death in child birth under the medical supervision of the twins presumed father Dr. Thomas Stone. Stone disappears into the night and the babies are taken in by the Indian Obstetrician, Hema. She and her soon to be doctor husband Gosh create a home with the boys I would love to have been invited to have dinner in.
I imagined the hospital some what like this where fistula (a hole between the vagina and the rectum that comes from failed childbirth) and female circumcision are some of the many tragic conditions the doctors face.
The twins grow up in Ethiopia under the reign of the Emperor Haile Selaisse’s, a brutal regime, filled with nightmarish stories and great nationalism. One of the books characters is a dashing a beloved father who is also a rebel guerilla. Fighting for a fair life.
The descriptions of the people, foods and towns made me feel I was there.
These are similar to my fantasy of the faces of the children who came to the Mission.
The dancing and style of the women
The descriptions of twlight evening s and a tree where Mary was buried.
I could never do the visual story as much justice as you can in your own mind. This is a great book and if you want to escape and meet some characters that will live in your heart this is the book I recommend.
P.S. I am always looking for book recommendations and comments from people and discovering what’s on everyone’s night stand. Please share your thoughts. – hb
What to wear to the Lady Gaga concert? Last week I attended the show with my daughters. Lady Gaga said a very nice line to her fans “you make me brave”, it felt genuine and inspiring. I liked her show.
Here’s me in my closet at a loss. Hair up in a round brush. Feeling concert clueless.
In my favorite Vans….so cozy…looking at my shoe options…ughhh.
I am thinking none of them are right or I am not in the mood. They are either too tall, too pointy, too wild, too sexy…
I pick the next most cozy shoes. My favorite Dolce and Gabbana kitten heel animal print. (Example of a good investment, expensive classic from years back, still love.)
Then I am into very old great jeans. Enough already.
Much to my daughter’s horror we had to stop at the office on our way. The best thing about having your own line is it’s a extension of your closet. I wore our Infinity Bag and was happy I did. One I love the hands free bag at a concert and two I realized the strap needs to be longer. Phew, glad I checked.
Lady Gaga Monster Ball Concert was way better then I ever would have expected. HOWEVER I did not expect it to be a thrown back to my days going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show where everyone was in costume. I clearly wore the wrong outfit! We watched people come in through security. My assistant says this gets “stalker status”. I wish I had my good camera with me since my blackberry camera does not do these outfits justice.
I have so many of these shots all in a row they are very cool. Here we have a pink ballerina.
This guy had plastic guns coming out like they were boobs.
This group I have no idea but all good.
This is the only costume I could come up with. Gaga tickets in my face. My daughter says I look mad. Maybe in need of sleep.
Check us out on The Style Curator’s “Love List”! Visit our website to order our in demand Tie Dye Chloe Clutch, available in red, purple and blue!
To tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth feels like a prehistoric concept. These days I find everyone from business associates to “friends” to lovers have some a “buy out”, excused absence or rationalization for half thruth’s. People’s word is becoming meaningless. It’s concerning. As a culture and as individuals we seem to always be looking for the loop hole. Lying is a game. I’ve created 3 surefire tools to master the new frontier of rationalizations and to stop myself from being swayed by other peoples or my own internal “spin doctor”.
Tool #1: The “ Dog List”. Know your lies, identifying the endless tangled web.
Your partner asks you if you walked the dog and you say, “yes” all the while knowing poor Fido is home, legs crossed, eyes turning yellow. A clear LIE.
A childlike, impotent term for lie is a FIB, “I know the dog has kittens but I swear I never let him out of my site.”
FABRICATE: You’re wife asks if the dogs been out and suddenly you fabricate a intricate, complicated story about the lost house keys, the neighbor Tom’s annoying overgrown tree you tried to climb, then not wanting to be rude had to have a beer with Tom while the Laker’s played as an explanation for Fido’s accident. A story to avoid flaming with a bold face lie.
PREVARICATE: you evade launching into a tale about how you found the dog in the bubble bath with the leash stuck in the drain…. avoiding telling the truth.
You tell your husband that you were going to walk Fido but you recalled (luckily) that his shots are not up to date and you could not find his shoes and did not want him to catch some random animal foot disease. You’re RATIONALIZING – desperately trying not to look like the bag guy.
EQUIVOCATING: The all time classic, “Honey, did you walk the dog?” You answer “yes”, knowing very well that you are referring to walking Fido last night which you did do but you also know she is asking about tonight. You are saying one thing but meaning another.
Tool #2: Ask Grandpa
My grandfather was born 2 pounds, wrapped in cotton, soaked in olive oil and put in a shoebox behind the kitchen furnace and lived. True story! He survived that but would never understand todays situational ethics. He was a amazing man, an incredible garden artists who created breathtaking rose gardens for the insanely wealthy during the most decadent period in Newport R.I.’s history. This is the Breaker one of the most famous homes built in this period.
Grandpa surrounded by the endless affluence of Newport’s mega wealth kept his moral compass steady. So, if I’m ever questioning what’s right, I mentally think of my father saying “what would my dad, your grandpa say?” Grandpa did not believe the truth came in shades of grey. It was clear as the beauty of the garden at the Elms Mansion.
Tool #3: Yes-No line. A reminder that speaking our truth either yes or no is the best tool. As of now I have no plans to design a “Maybe” Nose ring for those of who live in the grey middle ground.
If you have any truth tools (nothing painful) please share. I like to think this clarity made life, work and parenting simpler. I’m not jaded but I am naive and still shocked and disappointed by how many people have said one thing and done another without any qualms.
And if you’d like to pick up your own Yes/No earrings from my line, contact me at info@heatherbelleco.com.
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ABOUT HB:
Heather Belle is founder of Heather Belle Company, dedicated to merging classic style with provocative thinking. A Quaker educated, D.C. native with southern roots, she has spent her career pursuing the mix of entertainment, art and philanthropy. A writer and single mother of four, she lives life slightly on the edge....vacillating between the demands of being a entrepreneur and raising good people.